Saturday, January 22, 2011

I am a Woman, Hear me Bitch

Dear Internet,

If you know me from my previous blog and I know some of you do.  I see my stats.  My referring sites.  Then you know over there I was pretty open and blunt about my dating life.  Maybe even a little too confessional.  Here I've really tried to rein that in.  Out of respect for the other involved parties.  For privacy. Discretion.  And a myriad of other moral ideals.  But I'm having a hard time keeping my mouth shut because some pretty craptastic things have happened to me recently in that area of my life.  Things that have made me pretty disgruntled.  Disenchanted.  Depressed.  About modern dating.

This study only added fuel to that fire.  Really, girls?  Really, boys?  Frivolous sex and porn.  That's what I'm competing against?

Sometimes I hate the feminist movement.  Can't stand Sex and the City.  Am annoyed by MTV.  Because part of what they've all tried to tell us is that modern women should behave like men.  Should have multiple sexual partners at once.  Should do sex without love and commitment.  And that if we don't.  If we can't.  Then we're weak.  Then something is wrong with us.  And I'm not sure I'm ok with that.

To me feminism is not about denying female qualities in favor of more stereotypical males ones.  It's about being a woman.  Reveling in that.  Delighting in that.  Celebrating it.  Because it's a hell of a lot different than being a man, but it's just as valid.  And I shouldn't have to down play my nature to be considered equal.

Different can be equal.  It just takes more work.

And I think we do that work a great disservice when we try to pretend love, and relationships, and marriage isn't important to us.  When we try to be one of the boys.  Because really that's not how we are wired.  And if you don't believe me just read this book.

I don't think it's less than to want.  To desire.  To expect.  Commitment.  Love.  Devotion.  A house.  A picket fence.  And 2.1 children. 

I think it's less than to settle for less than.  To give it up when what you really want is love.  To be ok letting a guy be in when it's convenient for him.  But out when it's not.

And sure I'm more than this.  I have an education (a damn good one).  And a career.  And talents.  And hobbies.  And some of you are ok with the frivolous sex.  Or don't want the children.  And that's fine.

But to me a full life is sharing.  Is being caught.  Because I'm a damn good catch. 

And it takes a hell of a lot of courage to admit that.  To say-not only do I want to be loved.  But I fucking deserve it.  And I won't act like I don't just so you'll sleep with me.  I'm better than that.  And worthy of more.

But those are just my two very angry cents.  I know you have your own.  And I love that.  Because that's what equal is about.  Letting people be different and being ok with that.


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